Well my dearest xanga ... it has been quite a while!!!
But I dunno if I should even write anything cuz no one ever comments anymore ... I'm afraid you have died ...

Oh well ... who cares ... I'm writing!!!

Where to start ... lets see ... today was my last day of high school ... sooo  weird!!! It's sad ... but not sad ... you know ... bittersweet!!! I'm soooo ready to get out of here ... I'm through with high school and all its gay drama ... but then ... all the people you see everday ... all your friends or not so close friends ... its scary to think that you might not ever see them again!!! It was juz nice to see their faces everyday ...
Next subject ... I'm 18 now!!! YAY ... I'm legal!!! The only thing I've done since I was 18 "cuz I could" was get my nose pierced ... but trust me there is much much much more to come!!! Starting with this Sunday I'm going to my first club ... oh how exciting!!!
I got a new car!!! I now drive a 2006 2-door black chevy cobalt AKA Braxton ... my baby/boyfriend!!!
My graduation is on Monday ... wow ... everything is going by so fast!!!
I juz cant wait to move out now!!! Par-tay over here!!! I'm not moving in with Trey and Stephanie anymore though ... ... Trey has to stay in the dorms and Steph's parents arent letting her move out ... or she'll have to pay for it which I dont think she wants to ... I'm gonna live with Jackie and hopefully Racheal ... my playas!!! It's gonna be sooo fun!!! Ya I know I say that all the time ... but really this is!!!
And I juz found out that 2 other of my friend Fallon and Courtney are getting an appartment together in Weatherford too!!! YAY!!!

Ok ... and now the subject everyone loves!!!
I met a new boy!!!
This one is completely different from all my other boys ... he knows his name ... so ... he's juz sooo sweet ... he makes me feel different than I have with all the other boys that I've liked ... with him I can like actually talk and be myself ... I'm not scared what he's gonna think or anything like that!!! He's a good christian which is sooo hard to find these days!!! He plays guitar and drums and piano and sings ... love the musicians!!! We talk every night on the phone he plays his guitar and sings for me ... one time till I fell asleep and then sometimes I sing him to sleep ... when one of us falls asleep on the phone the other one doesnt hang up we juz fall asleep too and then in the morning we're still on the phone ... I love it!!! Something about him juz makes me smile all the time!!!
... but ...
of course theres a but ... do you think I could juz be handed something like that without a but??? I dunno ... he's weird about relationships ... he loves his future wife sooo much that he doesnt wanna think about cheating on her ... and in dating with all the hand holding and kissing and all that ... he would be cheating on her!!! Which really sucks ... cuz that means he doesnt date!!! I juz wanna be like ... how do you know what kinda girl is right for you??? I mean you cant juz walk up to somone someday and be like hey do you wanna marry me??? But I completely respect his view on that and I'm not trying to make him change the way he is ... juz hoping ...
I wanna tell him ... do you understand that I like you??? And its not juz that I like you ... it takes a lot for me to actually like someone ... when I start to think about liking someone ... I completely analyze everything about them ... the way they stand the way they talk the way they laugh ... everything ... so I have to really like someone for me to want to be with them ... and I do ... I really like him!!!!

now ... another subject you've heard a lot about on here ... Mr. Jeremy!!!
I have not talked to him in over a year!!! On April 1st it was a year ... ya sad i know the date ... but like I said ... I have to really like someone to wanna be with them ... and I thought I loved him ... but now I see that I was wrong!!!
Ok ... about the not talking to him thing ... on myspace ... ya he got one!!! Well I wrote him a message saying ... do you hate me now ... can we not be friends??? He read it one day ... didnt write back I was like ok ... if thats how he wants it then ok ... well today I get on and check my messages and theres one from him ... I was like OMG!!! He wrote yea sure we can be friends ... so I wrote back yaa ... so whats up??? Again ... he read it but didnt reply so I'm waiting to see if its like the other message ... and I'm waiting for him to start his i love you i miss you crap again so i can put him back in his place and let him know that i am totally and completely over him ... wow that feels sooo good to say that!!! And I can thank my special boy for that!!!

I think that pretty much covers all the big things that have gone on since Feburary ... mmhmmm ... its been that long!!!
And with that I will leave you with some lyrics by From Autumn to Ashes ... they kinda fit the way I feel right now!!!

Autumns Monologue (girl version)

Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me.
But I'm nothing so good
no, I'm nothing...
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence, of love, and of sorrow.
I beg for just one more tomorrow!
Where you'd hold me down, fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You dont.

Here I'm pinned between darkness and light,
bleached and blinded by these nights.
Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn
by you, visions of you, then you're gone.
The shock bleeds the red from my face,
when i hear someone's taken my place.
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that i did was for you...

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you dont see me. You don't.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You don't.

I'd break in two over you,
I'd break in two over you! Over you
I'd break in two,
I would break in two for you.
Now you see me, now you don't.
Now you need me, now you don't.

The Fiction We Live (boy version)

You might be just what I need
No I would not change a thing
Been dreaming of this so long
But we only exist in this song
The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow
And if you come and meet me tomorrow
I will hold you down, fold you in
Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live
I break in two over you
I break in two
And if a piece of you dies
Autumn, I will bring you back to life
Of course I see you
I do.

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Currently Listening Hello, Good Friend By The Rocket Summer Doing Everything For You see related