Well my dearest xanga ... it has been quite a while!!!
But I dunno if I should even write anything cuz no one ever comments anymore ... I'm afraid you have died ...

Oh well ... who cares ... I'm writing!!!

Where to start ... lets see ... today was my last day of high school ... sooo  weird!!! It's sad ... but not sad ... you know ... bittersweet!!! I'm soooo ready to get out of here ... I'm through with high school and all its gay drama ... but then ... all the people you see everday ... all your friends or not so close friends ... its scary to think that you might not ever see them again!!! It was juz nice to see their faces everyday ...
Next subject ... I'm 18 now!!! YAY ... I'm legal!!! The only thing I've done since I was 18 "cuz I could" was get my nose pierced ... but trust me there is much much much more to come!!! Starting with this Sunday I'm going to my first club ... oh how exciting!!!
I got a new car!!! I now drive a 2006 2-door black chevy cobalt AKA Braxton ... my baby/boyfriend!!!
My graduation is on Monday ... wow ... everything is going by so fast!!!
I juz cant wait to move out now!!! Par-tay over here!!! I'm not moving in with Trey and Stephanie anymore though ... ... Trey has to stay in the dorms and Steph's parents arent letting her move out ... or she'll have to pay for it which I dont think she wants to ... I'm gonna live with Jackie and hopefully Racheal ... my playas!!! It's gonna be sooo fun!!! Ya I know I say that all the time ... but really this is!!!
And I juz found out that 2 other of my friend Fallon and Courtney are getting an appartment together in Weatherford too!!! YAY!!!

Ok ... and now the subject everyone loves!!!
I met a new boy!!!
This one is completely different from all my other boys ... he knows his name ... so ... he's juz sooo sweet ... he makes me feel different than I have with all the other boys that I've liked ... with him I can like actually talk and be myself ... I'm not scared what he's gonna think or anything like that!!! He's a good christian which is sooo hard to find these days!!! He plays guitar and drums and piano and sings ... love the musicians!!! We talk every night on the phone he plays his guitar and sings for me ... one time till I fell asleep and then sometimes I sing him to sleep ... when one of us falls asleep on the phone the other one doesnt hang up we juz fall asleep too and then in the morning we're still on the phone ... I love it!!! Something about him juz makes me smile all the time!!!
... but ...
of course theres a but ... do you think I could juz be handed something like that without a but??? I dunno ... he's weird about relationships ... he loves his future wife sooo much that he doesnt wanna think about cheating on her ... and in dating with all the hand holding and kissing and all that ... he would be cheating on her!!! Which really sucks ... cuz that means he doesnt date!!! I juz wanna be like ... how do you know what kinda girl is right for you??? I mean you cant juz walk up to somone someday and be like hey do you wanna marry me??? But I completely respect his view on that and I'm not trying to make him change the way he is ... juz hoping ...
I wanna tell him ... do you understand that I like you??? And its not juz that I like you ... it takes a lot for me to actually like someone ... when I start to think about liking someone ... I completely analyze everything about them ... the way they stand the way they talk the way they laugh ... everything ... so I have to really like someone for me to want to be with them ... and I do ... I really like him!!!!

now ... another subject you've heard a lot about on here ... Mr. Jeremy!!!
I have not talked to him in over a year!!! On April 1st it was a year ... ya sad i know the date ... but like I said ... I have to really like someone to wanna be with them ... and I thought I loved him ... but now I see that I was wrong!!!
Ok ... about the not talking to him thing ... on myspace ... ya he got one!!! Well I wrote him a message saying ... do you hate me now ... can we not be friends??? He read it one day ... didnt write back I was like ok ... if thats how he wants it then ok ... well today I get on and check my messages and theres one from him ... I was like OMG!!! He wrote yea sure we can be friends ... so I wrote back yaa ... so whats up??? Again ... he read it but didnt reply so I'm waiting to see if its like the other message ... and I'm waiting for him to start his i love you i miss you crap again so i can put him back in his place and let him know that i am totally and completely over him ... wow that feels sooo good to say that!!! And I can thank my special boy for that!!!

I think that pretty much covers all the big things that have gone on since Feburary ... mmhmmm ... its been that long!!!
And with that I will leave you with some lyrics by From Autumn to Ashes ... they kinda fit the way I feel right now!!!

Autumns Monologue (girl version)

Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me.
But I'm nothing so good
no, I'm nothing...
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence, of love, and of sorrow.
I beg for just one more tomorrow!
Where you'd hold me down, fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You dont.

Here I'm pinned between darkness and light,
bleached and blinded by these nights.
Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn
by you, visions of you, then you're gone.
The shock bleeds the red from my face,
when i hear someone's taken my place.
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that i did was for you...

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you dont see me. You don't.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You don't.

I'd break in two over you,
I'd break in two over you! Over you
I'd break in two,
I would break in two for you.
Now you see me, now you don't.
Now you need me, now you don't.

The Fiction We Live (boy version)

You might be just what I need
No I would not change a thing
Been dreaming of this so long
But we only exist in this song
The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow
And if you come and meet me tomorrow
I will hold you down, fold you in
Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live
I break in two over you
I break in two
And if a piece of you dies
Autumn, I will bring you back to life
Of course I see you
I do.

***edit***

Currently Listening Hello, Good Friend By The Rocket Summer Doing Everything For You see related

So ... its finally hitting me!!!

I'm a senior!!!

Today was the English TAKS at our school and the seniors didnt have to come until 9 ... so we all get there and check in and then we go into the auditorium for like an assembly ... well some people from Tarelton came and talked to us about financial aide and all that ... then we talked about prom and chose our senior song ...

I juz cant believe we're all about to leave ... I might never see some of my friends ever again ... I mean they might not be like some of my closest friends but their still my friends and when they go to college I might never see them again ... its CRAZY!!!

Theres only 14 more weeks left of school ... 14 ... wow!!!

I'm ready to get out of school ... but ... I dont wanna have to say goodbye to everyone ... its gonna be so hard!!!

When I think about it ... I'm ready for college ... but I'm not ready for ALL the responsibility ... I mean you HAVE to do all your work ... you have to make house payments ... you have to make car payments ... you have to buy all your food ... all your make up ... all your everything!!! Now maybe not all this is new to everybody ... maybe I was really sheltered or something and its gonna be this new to only me ... I know some people have to make their own car payments already and some people even have to pay their parents rent and all that ... but I'm scared!!!

I'm scared me and my best friends will all go our seperate ways find new friends and not get to hang out with eachother anymore!!! I know I want to find new friends to hang out with too ... but I dont wanna lose the ones who have been here for me forever!!! I also know that if we are really great friends then I shouldnt be scared ... but I am!!!

I'm so excited about everything thats gonna happen ... but today while we were in the auditorium and they were playing the songs we had to choose from I juz started thinking ... were only gonna be here for a few more months ... and thats it ... once its over you cant go back and change things!!! You're done!!! It juz made me really sad!!!

Our senior song is the same song that OUR seniors had ... Good Radiance by Greenday!!! A really good song ... but I wanted something new ... the final two choices were down to that song and John Mayer ummm ... I dont remember the name but its the one that goes ... "I wanna run through the halls of my high school ... I wanna scream at the top of my lungs ..." and I like that song too ... but I want the song to actually make me look back and that song didnt!!! The one song I really did want to win was "Here's to the Night" By Eve 6 ... but it didnt ...

I juz wanna say to all my friends I love yall soooo much ... you have no idea!!!

Amanda - I know this year has been rough for us ... I juz wanna say that I love you ... you've been my BEST friend since 6th grade ... I wish things could get better between us and it could go back to how it used to be ... but I dont think it'll be exactly how it was ever again ... and I'm gonna have to deal with that ... but I'm sorry if I said anything that I shouldnt have or did anything that I shouldnt have ... I love you ... and youre still my BEST friend!!!

Jackie - We're still the same ... we hang out every now I wish it could be more ... and then and we always talk and tell eachother things ... but I still feel like were holding back ... we both alike in so many ways and I wish we could let it all out ... but its juz how we are ... I love you sooo much and The 3 Musketeers will forever go on!!!

Stephanie - I'm so glad we've became so close this past year ... I feel like I can tell you anything and actually trust you with it ... you understand me ... and thats what I needed ... someone who gets me for me!!! We can sit up all night and juz laugh about stupid things or laugh at us being sooo mean to eachother but knowing neither one of us mean it!!! You're house is my "fun" house ... ya know cuz of all the mirrors and everything ... haha ... you get it ... and this is why were gonna live together ... cuz we've both came from the same kind of background ... and we both seem to be leaning the same way ... I love you Stephyboo!!!

Bobbi - You know I come to you with so many of my problems cuz you juz listen to me when I need someone too!!! You've been my streangth through many of my rough times but no matter what I complain to you about youre always there the next time ... and I really appreciate that!!! I love my Bobbi Faye !!!

Lacy - Wow ... my former energy buddy to now my deffensive driving buddy ... you've been there through it all ... everytime I'd get in trouble ... to every tear I'd cry over stupid boy ... and youre still here ... for the new troubles I get into and the new tears or smiles over new boys ... dont worry ... even though I'm graduating youre still gonna come and stay the night with me before YOUR debate meets ... and this time I wont be getting up in the mornings to go to the gas station to get an energy drink with you!!! But feel free to buy me one too and leave it in my fridge!!! Only one more year "attitude"!!!

Lesley - my little Pookie!!! All of our boy problems ... we could go on forever about them ... but then we can go on forever about our crazy times ... our car washing experiences ... our animals ... our bands ... our pictures ... pretty much everything!!! Take care of Lacy ... yall are the last two!!! I love my one boyfriendless friend!!!

And of course ...

Trey - I miss you!!! You need to be at Springtown!!! I still love you so much and cant wait to get an appartment together!!! You need to start coming up and visiting me more!!! When I'm grounded I cant go anywhere ... but you can come over here ... k? LOL ... I hope your senior year is going great!!! Mine is so far ... and I hope it stays like this!!! I love you Treydio!!!

Heres MY senior song :

So denied so I lied are you the now or never kind
In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

ok so this sux!!!

I'm sittin at home by myself on a Saturday night ... why you ask ... I really dont know ... but it does indeed suck!!!

I'm really bored but I've been so busy lately ... so I'm thinking some downtime might be the best ...

Yesterday was the fall Princeton meet for UIL ... ya we left the school at 1:00 and went to the meet ... it was SO fun ... well for me ... I didnt have to do ANYTHING ... I juz went ... haha the things I do in UIL went on today but we didnt go ... well I met this guy named Michael ... haha hes my bitch ... and I met this guy named Derek ... hes a cool kid!!! I saw Derek Flowers again ... still lookin mighty fine ... well when Bobbi was done with all her stuff we played the stalking game again ... still fun but not as fun as the first time we did it ... we left the meet and went to go get something to eat ... we wanted Jack - in - the - box really bad so we went there ... they were friggin out of curly fries!!! OMG ... thats like Chilis running out of menus ... haha that was for Bobbi ... well we ate and when we were leaving Dylinn called Jeremy he was like Jeremy ... and this guy turned around and was like what? who said my name? Bobbi goes OMG Jeremy??? How are you??? I havent seen you in forever??? he was like ummm ... she goes dont you remember me??? Its Bobbi!!! Ya know from when we were little kids ... he was like little kids??? Then she was like haha I'm juz kidding this guys name is Jeremy too and we were talkin to him ... it was sooo funny!!! Then we went home ... I didnt get home till like 1 ... then I got up this morning at 8:30 to be in Hulen at 10 to get my hair done ... I LOVE IT!!! I got black back underneath again and the red is still the same ... then I got black and red highlights on top ... I'll put pix up soon!!! After I got my hair done me Lacy and Lesley went to Grapevine Mills and looked at prom dresses ... yup ... didnt find one yet ... but I did find 2 that I liked!!! But I dunno ... still dunno who I'm gonna take ... hmmm!!!

So boys ... I dont like them much ... they're pissing me off!!! Can I please fine one decent guy!!! PLEASE??? Well since were on the topic of boys ... I guesss ... I could tell you my little story!!! I kinda have this LITTLE crush on this guy I met on Wednesday ... his names Jacob ... I met him at church ... hes REALLY cute ... his personality seems good but I'm not sure yet ... I dont really know him still have to find that out!!! Well he came into church late and it was funny cuz everytime someone walked in late we'd like all start clapping and yellin their name and being like wooo hooo good to see you!!! So he walked in and he sat next to me ... in between me and other Jacob who is also really cute ... but I think he has a girlfriend so ... well we were sittin there and he introduced himself to me and I was like hi I'm Elaine and he was like ... prolly not gonna remember that but hey!!! Well we were still sittin there I guess you could say ... and he like grabs my hand and looks at my senior ring then he like juz puts his arm around me ... I was like ... ooook ... but ya know I really wasnt caring much then we got up to worship ... la di da di da ... during church it got cold and he let me wear his jacket ... awww ... but like I still said still seeing about his personality ... I guess we'll juz have to wait this one out ... oh and still about boys ... this was on the entry I wrote and the window closed ... JEREMY'S BACK IN TOWN!!! AHH ... I really dont wanna run into him!!! Long story about how I know he's back but I really dont feel like writing it again!!! So if you need to know I've prolly already told you ... =]

Hmmm ... I cannot wait until schools out ... I'm ready to get out of this house ... not that things arent good here ... I'm juz ready to be on my own!!! That and I CANT FRIGGIN wait to live with my Stephanie and Trey!!! Its gonna be soooooo fun!!! Like you dont even know ... well you might whenever we get the place and you come over!!! I juz wanna live my life how I want to!!!

I need a boy ... I need one!!! Not juz want but I need one ... juz for me ... one that wants me and only me ... who sees me for who I am and doesnt try to change me ... one that will love me and let me know that he does ... one who sometimes juz wants to hold me ... a boy who doesnt want to be with a girl juz for sex ... but to be with a girl cuz he cant think of being without her ... a boy who goes to sleep at night thinking about me hoping that it will lead to dreams about me so when he wakes up in the morning he'll be thinking about me still ... or one who cant sleep cuz he's thinking about me ... a boy who likes to cuddle ... one who loves to play the guitar and loves playing it juz for me ... a boy who will write me songs ... and make me mixed tapes ... a boy who wont see me as juz another stupid girl but the stupid girl that he loves ... a boy who will wrestle with me ... who will make fun of me and then let me hit him as hard as I can ... a boy who will share a hot fudge sundae with me but give me the cherry ... a boy who will call me juz cuz he wants to talk ... a boy who gives me his jacket when I'm cold even if he's cold too ... a boy who reaches for my hand ... one who gives me a special ring tone for when I call ... one who doesnt care what anyone else thinks of me but knows he loves me ... I need a boy ...

So tomorrow I'm going to Cowboys ... gonna be fun!!! I cant wait to dance!!! I'm going with Taryn Justin Spenser prolly Mandi and some other people I dunno who alls goin ... but I cant wait!!!

Well I'll prolly be back with pix and maybe some quotes or lyrics ... whatever I'm feeling ... but I dont know what I'm feeling ... I feeling I need some love ...

Comments loves <33333

ok so I'm offically pissed!!!

I wrote this REALLY LONG entry last night and when I went to put what CD I was listening to it closed the window!!! GRRR ... so yall will juz have to wait for me to re write it all!!!

Until then you can go look at my myspace ... www.myspace.com/Xx__yourwordskillme__xX

<333333 Elaine

Ok ... so ... SNOW DAY TOMORROW!!!!

Well I'm bored so heres this ...

TEN FIRSTS
First Best Friend: Holly Braddick
First Cat: Samuel ... he might come back still ... I swear hes a pet cemetery cat!!!
First Dog: Angel ... she died  

First Piercing: my ears when I was like 4
First Big Move: I dont really remember ... we moved alot when I was little
First Crush: Ben Scott in like 4th grade
First CD: I think it was the first NSYNC CD!!! I miss them!!! 
First Car: ugh ... the 'Green Beast' we still have it actually its in our driveway ... 96 green dodge caravan ... ewwww 
First Love: ehhh emmm ... Jeremy ...
First Stuffed Animal: this little pink and white teddy bear I got when I was born ... we dont have it anymore ... it makes me sad!!! 

NINE LASTS
Last Alcoholic Beverage: uhhh ... it was a coors light ... very rememberal night ...
Last Vehicle Ride: in my car on the way home today!!!
Last CD Played: my Click Five CD when we were hanging the ornaments on the Christmas tree earlier
Last Bubble Bath: almost a year ago at my Jojo's house
Last Time You Cried: a few days ago ... 
Last Hug: Dakin this morning before I left school 
Last time you really got upset: a few days ago ... too
Last time I watched TV: like not even an hour ago ... One Tree Hill baby!!! 

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?: nope ...
Have you ever been arrested: nah ...
Have you ever skinny dipped: yup ...
Have you ever been on TV: hah ... ya we were at the NASCAR races and they came and taped us by our RV 
Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: the better question would be have you ever regretted having feelings for the person you kissed knowing they didnt have em back??? YA!!!
Have you ever had a dream about someone you knew: ummm I dont think I have dreams every night about strangers!!! 
Have you ever felt like your parents favor one sibling over another?: Well I am the middle child ... so ...
Have you ever felt like you were high but knew you weren't?: haha ... ya never done drugs ... but have felt pretty good every now and then!!! 

SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING

1. Elmo Pj pants 

2. My Lit Club shirt

3. senior hoodie 

4. my Minnie Mouse panties!!! :)

5. tube socks
6. my pink bra  

7. and ABSOLUTLY NO make up!!!


SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY

1. woke up 
2. took a shower 
3. blow dryed my hair 
4. went to school for 30 min before getting signed out 
5. drove home really slow cuz of the ice 
6. watched Unfaithful

FIVE THINGS YOU LOVE TO DO

1. sing 
2. dance 
3. hang out with my friends
4. go to shows 
5. shop!!!

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL [ALMOST] ANYTHING TO

1. Stephanie
2. Bobbi 
3. Jackie 
4. Lacy/ Lesley *pretty much tell them at the same time*

THREE CHOICES
1. hugs or kisses? kisses ... but if I could have both ... that would be FANTASTIC!!!
2. clothes or shoes? clothes ... I pretty much wear my cons all the time anyway

3. summer or winter? summer ... I hate being cold!!!

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Be XXfamousXX

2. be in love and stay in love with no heartbreaks!!!

ONE THING YOU REGRET

believeing every word HE said!!! If it matters to you then you know who HE is!!!

Ok ... well I was bored so I did that ... I'll prolly put more pix on here soon ... ya know how I am with the pix!!! If ya wanna look at some ... juz scroll down ... I'm sure theres plenty down there to keep you occupied!!!

Ok ... so ... I'm in LOVE with this new band The Scene Aesthetic ... if you get a chance and wanna check em out juz go to my myspace ...

www.myspace.com/Xx__yourwordskillme__xX

The song that plays on there is them!!!

Heres on of their songs ... I think this one really fits me ... except from a girls point of view

Currently Listening A Fever You Can't Sweat Out By Panic! At the Disco see related